8 Things I learned from Being Homeless ( For a Summer)
Jonathan Benjamin • April 23, 2016
"If you cannot see where life is taking you, perhaps it is higher than you can perceive"
A few years back, just before summer began - my wife and I found a house we fell in love with. It was perfect, it had everything we ever wanted or needed in a home. It had beautiful open spaces for entertaining, a pool, a built-in outdoor kitchen, detached mother-in-law suite and was in a beautiful, friendly neighborhood with bars, shopping and restaurants – all within walking distance.
We put in an offer and it was accepted. We were getting our dream home. We listed our current house and it sold very quickly. We would be moving in the first week of June while our kids were on summer break. We were beaming. We visualized the colors we would paint the walls, the decorations we would use, the new furniture we would buy, we even purchased beautiful modern wood flooring in advance. We took our kids to see it, took pictures outside and drove past it regularly. We even started frequenting the restaurants in the area.
Visualizing the end result? ✅
Imagining all of the details? ✅
Acting as if? ✅
Done.
No doubts, no fears. It was ours.
But then...... it wasn’t.
Through a series of mishaps including an appraisal on the home coming in way too low for the sellers to accept, we lost the house. We lost – what we thought was our dream home – a week before moving into it.
We heard a lot of “Then there must be something better out there for you guys.”
from many people. We couldn’t imagine what that could possibly be. We were broken-hearted, shocked and in disbelief.
My wife’s father and step-mother were compassionate and gracious towards us and let us stay with them while we started the house search all over again. With no house to move in to, we loaded every room in our office to the ceiling with boxes and furniture, then packed a few suitcases with clothes for us and the kids and took them to my in-laws. Since most of the kids toys were boxed up, we bought them each Lego sets at least once a week to keep them occupied. For them, this particular summer may very well be remembered as “The Summer of Lego”.
We scrambled to look at every home in the area that met our criteria and was still close to the kids school. Within two weeks, we must have seen 100 homes online and forty in person. There were times that we saw six or seven houses on the same day. We eventually agreed on a house we saw that was on a golf course with a lake view, and after a few weeks began to let go of the pain of the dream house we lost and allowed excitement to build for the golf course home.
And then…..the unthinkable happened….. AGAIN.
Another series of mishaps including another low appraisal and sellers being unwilling to bend – and boom, we lost that house as well.
Again, everyone told us: “There must be something better for you guys out there.” Hearing this for a second time after living out of suitcases for nearly two months offered little to no comfort, even though we desperately wanted to believe it.
With heavy hearts - and with an attitude that at times I was less than proud of - the search started over, once again.
Maybe one of the hardest parts was being asked by our children why we don’t have our own place to live, as well as them pointing out random apartments and communities that we drove past, saying “That one will do Daddy! We can just live there, can’t we?”
What happened next was amazing. We came across a house that is vastly more beautiful than any of the others, even the original “dream house” pales in comparison.
As a matter of fact, it is like a blend of all of the greatest features we saw in the many of the homes we liked on our search.
It was, dare I say, perfect?
We ended up moving into that house a few weeks later, after 16 weeks of not having our own place.
Below are a few of the things we learned over this “homeless summer”:
1. We are not the sum of our “things.”
Not having any of your own space, and living daily without the personal belongings and routines that make you comfortable is challenging. Think about it. The things on your bedside table, the things that you do daily that make up your life. Eating, cooking, exercise. The art on your walls and not having to put clothes on to walk through the house or use the bathroom at 2 am. These things provide a sense of comfort. A sense of home. After a few weeks I didn’t feel like myself at all.
Not having any of your own space, and living daily without the personal belongings and routines that make you comfortable is challenging. Think about it. The things on your bedside table, the things that you do daily that make up your life. Eating, cooking, exercise. The art on your walls and not having to put clothes on to walk through the house or use the bathroom at 2 am. These things provide a sense of comfort. A sense of home. After a few weeks I didn’t feel like myself at all.
If we aren't careful, we can allow ourselves to be defined by our routines and our things as they reflect our unique personalities and lifestyles.
Who was I without my things, without my normal routines? Do they define us? For the first few weeks, I thought so – at least a little – but as more time passed living without all the things around that were uniquely “me” I realized they didn’t. I define me. I was me before “things” and I am me without them. I just, am.
It took being without, to have a deeper understanding of what was within. Which brings me to lesson number two:
2. We don’t really NEED that much (in life).
I had been more or less been wearing the same 5 or 6 shirts and 4 pairs of shorts for the entire summer, and you know what? I became totally ok with it. For one thing, it makes getting dressed in the morning so much easier. You may not find choosing outfits stressful, but I do. I totally understand the thought processes of Albert Einstein and Steve jobs in this regard. What do we really need in life to be happy? What is of the utmost importance?
Although I strive for – and enjoy – abundance in my life, living with the bare minimum had been freeing.
Although I strive for – and enjoy – abundance in my life, living with the bare minimum had been freeing.
3. Cleaning up after yourself/ Staying organized.
Although we all revel at the site of IKEA’s “600 square foot” home setups, (How the heck did they get a whole house in there?!) it’s a completely different story when you add people living there up in the mix. The spaces are indeed small, but ultimately look great and liveable….unless you actually tried to live in them. That’s kind of what it was like with four people sharing one guest bathroom. There wasn't enough space on the counter for all of us to leave everything we need to get ready in the morning. We had to adopt a policy of using something and immediately putting it away. Toothbrushes, hair dryer, gels, sprays, shavers, and makeup, all need to be put back in their place after being used to allow the space for others. This conditioned us – in a very short time – to constantly put things away and clean up after ourselves a little more than we would in our own home. A little organization never hurt anyone, right? We were getting better at it by the minute.
4. Letting go of resistance.
The resistance you feel when trying to control things you can’t, bleeds into every other area of your life, and creates more blocks that keep other desires at bay. We learned this the hard way. For the first few weeks, we allowed many of the ups-and-downs to get to us. Especially the loss of money and multiple homes.
Not going with the flow and feeling frustrated with things we couldn’t really control, bled over into our business and also into our relationship with each other. We fought more, nit-picked constantly and got on each others nerves. Things weren’t much better at the office either. (my wife and I work together.)
But - once we took a step back and realized how much resistance we had allowed ourselves to feel, we let it go.
Not going with the flow and feeling frustrated with things we couldn’t really control, bled over into our business and also into our relationship with each other. We fought more, nit-picked constantly and got on each others nerves. Things weren’t much better at the office either. (my wife and I work together.)
But - once we took a step back and realized how much resistance we had allowed ourselves to feel, we let it go.
How? We decided to accept the things we could not change. Once we did this, something broke. A load was lifted. Things started flowing again. Well, they never really stopped flowing, we were just out of that flow, standing on the sidelines whining and complaining about it.
Ever been there?
Business picked up, we found a more beautiful home and we started communicating better and getting along. Funny how that works.
For the kids it may have been the summer of “Lego” but for us it was certainly the summer of “Let Go.”
5. There. Truly. Is. Something. Better. For. You.
Even though you may want to punch people in the face when they say that to you during a time of challenge or loss, it’s true. Sometimes we get to see it immediately – in Judaism this would be called “Revealed Good” – and sometimes we don’t. Two house deals that fell through and living out of suitcases for an entire summer, had led us to deepened relationships with friends and family as well as an amazing and beautiful home. One that is above and beyond our original dream.
6. You find out how loved and supported you really are.
In times of stress or challenge, friends and family have an opportunity to show you how much you mean to them. People came out of the woodwork and went above and beyond to help us, love us, support us and generally try to make our lives easier. Gifts of love came in all forms. A place to stay, cooking us dinner, inviting us to game nights, and sleepovers, all the way to watching our kids and offering up their homes and garages to store our belongings. Through this process we have become closer to so many as well as gained a deeper understanding of what being a friend truly means, and we learned it from a challenge that lasted months.
7. You get what you ask for. (but maybe not exactly how you want)
Before that summer, I had been asking/praying for more space and more peace. What I got – in the physical – seemed to be the opposite. But within the space that was created, also came the opportunity for me to go within, to seek out what I needed. Asking for things (especially qualities you desire) sometimes puts you in a position of having to create those very things within yourself - basically where ALL the best changes come from.
Before that summer, I had been asking/praying for more space and more peace. What I got – in the physical – seemed to be the opposite. But within the space that was created, also came the opportunity for me to go within, to seek out what I needed. Asking for things (especially qualities you desire) sometimes puts you in a position of having to create those very things within yourself - basically where ALL the best changes come from.
8. Everything is an adventure.
We have the power to turn anything into a (fun) adventure if we choose to see it that way. There was certainly a lot of ups and downs that summer, especially with our emotions. We had to learn to be content and happy way past the edges of our comfort zones and routines that many of us rely on for structure, stability and quite frankly, sanity.
Once we allowed ourselves to see all of the above was taking place, we were then able to view this summer – the summer of “Let Go” – as a beautiful and fun adventure.
Once we allowed ourselves to see all of the above was taking place, we were then able to view this summer – the summer of “Let Go” – as a beautiful and fun adventure.
Again, a heartfelt thank you to all who helped. You know who you are.
I can now even see the "revealed good" that came out of this, so I am also thankful to the situation that created this experience.
If there is anything else at all I can help you with, use the form below to reach out - and please share.
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Lately, there are so many people talking about going stir-crazy out of boredom, lack of a schedule or just generally being stuck at home during this current shutdown/stay-at-home order during the Coronavirus. Ironically, this is the polar opposite for the way life has been for most of us......busy busy busy and feeling like there weren't enough hours in the day to get ANYTHING done! Life's a trip. Times like we are experiencing now can be scary. Especially when it gets us stressed about our fin ancial future and stability..... And while at times it's difficult to not get slightly stressed -out thinking about the future, I have been anything but bored. There is so much to do, plan and create, that I've been running non -stop! "So many people have used economic situations like this to drastically change their lives by making moves they would have never made, had they not been forced by things outside of their control." I know this first hand. Remember the downturn back back in 2009? We lost everything. Jobs, money, savings and even our home, but that is also what forced me into launching my most successful company to date - and I have been helping others launch and grow their businesses ever since. So, instead of complaining about boredom, or binge -watching something off the internet (which is running slow as shit anyway!) we can accept what is, and make the best of it. Below are some personal things you can do to be massively productive with this extra time that could very well be a blessing in disguise, if you allow it. If you are a business owner, Click here too. Work on that passion project you have been putting on the back-burner. Get cracking on that side -hustle or business idea you've been thinking about. Actually watching that video course you purchased. I personally have 3, that I haven't even logged into! Make your own video or audio program teaching that "thing" you always help people with. Finally do - or finish - that home project. Connect with people. Tell people how you feel about th e m. Write letters to friends. Call or video chat with them. Update your Will. Not because you think you'll die soon, but we all will pass someday and we don't know when. Rethink or revise your goals in life. Times like this can help us focus on what really matters to us. Make a list of the things you need to keep a closet full of once everything is back in stock. Do a massive level spring cleaning. You don't need all that shit. Give it to Goodwill. Someone needs it more than you. Think about ways to add another income stream. This will help insulate you a bit more for times like these in the future. Help someone else. Many may need even more help. This can be quite cathartic, even if you are barely hanging on yourself. This is just a short list to get you started. Another VERY important thing to remember is to breathe and stay calm. T hat means staying away from negativity, like the news! I'm not saying to be ignorant of what's going on, just don't be glued to it. Here's why: It has been proven that as a persons stress or “threat level” goes up, “creativity" goes down. We need our brains to be as creative as possible. It's what allows you to see opportunity and problem-solve at peak levels. Here are a couple things that may help with financial stress: Take a look at your finances and trim the fat. Once again, this is not from a standpoint of fear, but many of us are paying monthly for things we don't need or use. There are even smartphone apps that give you a quick rundown of your monthly subscriptions. Here is a link to one for iPhone called "Emma." Even if you are ok and have the money, ask for a skip payment on car loans & mortgages. Since we are unsure of how long this will last, it's a safer bet to keep more cash on hand. Many banks will freely offer skip payments during a time like this, without any penalty. Some banks may have stricter guidelines, so be sure to mention the "Coronavirus situation", they may have a rule that you need to say that to differentiate you from others that call. Maybe DON'T do this, if you are planning on doing a refi soon. Go online and check out which parts of the new Stimulus package you or your business qualify for. There are even business loans from the SBA that have portions that do not need to be repaid as long as you use it to pay employees and/or to keep your business afloat. Click here to check that out. If there is anything else at all I can help you with, use the form below to reach out - and please share.
Uncertainty can be scary, especially as it pertains to your business's financial future. I know you don't want to hear the word "Corona Virus" EVER again - so here are a few things you can do for your business now, while simultaneously shifting your perspective and focus away from the negative and onto building and creating: 1. Think about ways you can help your customers. Maybe you aren't able to be open in the same way you were before - or at all. But that doesn't mean you still aren't amazing at the things you do. Try to think of ways to shift the business model and still deliver the value of what you do, but in a different way. An example would be restaurants switching to delivery and pick-up options instead of dine-in. They could even do a video conference or class that shows people how to cook a certain dish. There is most likely a way to create a video program or live class around any subject. Remember, even if you sold a physical product, there is still expertise involved on your end, about that product. Need help figuring it out or how to create and launch it? I can help you. See more here. 2. Learn - or continue to practice - a new skill. As entrepreneurs, we need to always be learning new skills and technology in this ever-changing world. I personally have 2 books and 3 video programs I purchased months ago, that I haven't even taken the first look at yet. I'll be getting to those ASAP. If you haven't already check out The Hero-Preneur Resource eBook. It is full of great resources that I've used to help build my businesses over the years. Another updated one is in the works..... 3. Connect with customers individually to check on them, say hi, or to thank them. This one seems so simple, but there was a dentist mentioned on a podcast recently who called all his customers and said basically, "Thanks for being a customer, thank you for your loyalty. I just want you to know if you need anything, we’re open to serve you." And his books were slammed the next day with people saying he was the only dentist open. You don't have to have a specific offer or reason to call. Just a "thank you" or a "how are you?" carries a lot of weight, especially these days. Have too many customers to call them all? I can help you accomplish this all at once with Ringless Voicemail Drops OR, as a Text Campaign directly to your customers. Click here to connect with me on this. 4. Offer something for free. Try to think of a way to deliver the same expertise and value in an email, blog post or video. Many companies are already offering free trainings on different subjects. How can you deliver a free portion of what you do that will be of benefit to someone else? 5. Keep up-to-date on what financial help you qualify for. Go online and check out which parts of the new Stimulus package you or your business qualify for. There are even business loans from the SBA that have portions that do not need to be repaid as long as you use the funds to pay employees and/or to keep your business afloat. Click here to check that out. Some of your vendors might even offer a skip payment or a pause on some of your monthly services. Get out a pen and paper and write down all of them and focus on the biggest ones that would be of the most benefit to pause for a month or two. Then ask them. It couldn't hurt. Many banks are giving two to three months of skip payments on auto loans, credit cards and mortgages with no penalties. Believe it or not, Bank of America has made this SUPER easy. Maybe they learned their lesson after all, back in 2009... 6. Use downtime wisely. Be as productive as possible. Business owners usually have a back-log of ideas and projects they just can't seem to find time to complete. I'm sure you are thinking of one or two of them right now. Use this time to work on product development, marketing ideas, or get your marketing and outgoing emails set up in advance. This is also a great time to work on your brand, refresh an outdated website or get super-clear on future goals. 6. Create another stream of income. As an entrepreneur you have already started at least one business - but if you are anything like me - you have more ideas floating around in that cranium of yours. Blueprint a few of them to see which ones are the most viable options to put energy towards. Here is one I have been working on, that I plan to wrap soon! 7. Breathe and stay calm. That means staying away from negativity, like the news! I'm not saying to be ignorant of what's going on, just don't be glued to it. Watching negative updates every five minutes won't put you in the right frame of mind to be creative. It has been proven that as a persons stress or “threat level” goes up, “creativity" goes down. We need our brains to be as creative as possible. It's what allows you to see opportunity, plan for the future and problem-solve at peak levels. If there is anything else at all I can help you with, use the form below to reach out - and please share.
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I was recently reminded of the impact of this quote on a flight home from New Orleans. I was one of the first to board the plane and was sitting in the VERY front seat of the plane – big comfy seat, lots of leg room. The flight attendant was directly in front of me energetically and comically greeting all of the boarding guests. Behind him I could see about 4 full water bottles….and I wanted one – badly…. It was around 8pm and I had spent most of the very hot afternoon walking around the French Quarter with friends, site seeing & exploring. We had food and drinks and kept on walking. ( two dirty martinis to be exact) We had coffee and kept on walking and sweating. Probably the one thing I didn’t have, was enough water. I was SO thirsty and I don’t think I’ve ever had dry-mouth that bad – and that’s saying a lot. The water bottles behind the flight attendant were definitely calling my name. I was trying to decide if I should ask him for a water bottle. I really wanted it, but I kept second guessing whether I should ask or not. My manners said I should wait until we take off and they actually come around with the drink cart. I had already been sitting on the plane for 20 minutes and it would probably be another 30 before they served and I was SO thirsty….. There were reasons that justified not asking for the water. I didn’t want to disturb the flow of guests boarding the plane. The fact that this was Spirit Airlines and the water wasn’t free – so he would have to charge my card while trying to greet passengers. Generally just feeling like it may be rude to ask, or that it would start a trend of others asking too. It had now been about 30 minutes of me sitting there thinking about water. Water water water. WATER. I was at the apex of arguing with myself about asking for it when a funny thing happened… A couple boarding the plane asked the flight attendant if I could move so that they could sit next to each other. I was in the very front seat of the plane ( happily) with only one seat next to me. They wanted it. I paid extra for this seat and didn’t really wan to move, plus they looked like they were kind of asking him, not me. I was sort of “overhearing” it. A moment later the flight attendant looks at me and asked: “Would that be ok with you?” I said “Where would I be moving to?” He answered with “Just one seat behind you”. I looked behind me and it was also a large comfy seat with plenty of leg room. I nodded, got up and moved back one seat and the couple took their seats. As I was buckling my seat belt, the flight attendant takes a step toward me, leans over and whispers “Thank you” …..and hands me a bottle of water. Taking action, especially if it’s with a kind gesture can be the catalyst for results. My action of giving, was the catalyst for receiving the very thing that I wanted for myself. Boom. Get Iconic.
I recently attended a workshop where the discussion was about taking time in the morning for meditation /exercise/self-care. These are things I desperately wanted to consistently do, but just never took the time. Then I heard a Tony Robbins quote that changed my world. “If you don’t have 10 minutes for your life, then you […]
I recently saw a video where mothers were interviewed on how they felt they were doing as parents. Most of them focused on their shortcomings, things they thought they were failing at, or areas that needed improvement. The interviewers also asked their kids (in private) how they felt about their mothers. The children only spoke of the things they […]
